Finally! An appropriate thing to be made in the shape of a poo emoji!

Go ahead. Squeeze it.

"Best for photo ops" it says. I mean, yeah, I suppose if you are determined to take a photo of your dog eating poo, better this than the real thing.

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As if being pegged by a dodgeball wasn't bad enough...

Thanks for nothing, Aldi.

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It's poo! It's a unicorn! It's a Poonicorn!

What will they think of next? I hope I don't find out.

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New school year.

Same old shit.

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Maybe I'm just jealous that they didn't sell poop-shaped toys when I was three years old, but no. Just no.

I don't know what's wrong with kids in 2019. Back in my day, everyone came with their own poop slime formula.

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Dad update: he's now in his third hospital in as many weeks.

First he had heart surgery in Atlanta to replace a malfunctioning mitral valve. He came home for a couple of days before shortness of breath took him to the emergency room in Newnan. They diagnosed him with atrial fibrillation, a relatively common complication, and sent him to Fayetteville to have a pacemaker installed.

Doctors say he should be fine. I agree. He's already proven that for a guy with a bad heart, Dad can really get around.

Meanwhile, this side-effects poster was on the wall of his third room:

A closer look reveals a very familiar "face."

EVEN IN HOSPITALS.

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When I started this series of posts, I thought that the shit emoji must be a fad that would lose its appeal over time. I was wrong.

Yes, I showed you a floating pile of shit last year, but that one was recommended for ages 9 and up. This one is suitable for 7-year-olds. Next year expect shit-shaped water wings.

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I helped a friend do some work around his house last week, and I spotted this, the tumbler he uses to hold his 6-year-old daughter's juice.

Normally, when I see this sort of thing, I'm left wondering what the owner could be thinking. However, I've known Randy long enough to know that this isn't a thoughtless accident. He probably gets a kick out of watching his little girl suck shit.

I suppose if you have a child, you get to decide what to do with it. Kids are just pets that can talk!

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What should you give your loved one for Earth Day? How about leftover valentines, 50% off!

I mean, I know I'm old and out of touch, but I cannot imagine what would happen if I had given one of these to a classmate when I was in elementary school.

On the other hand, no would have had any problem if I'd a water gun in my backpack. *shrug*

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Mom spotted this "not gross at all" product at the dollar store:

She told me that she had to take a second glance at the "slimy and sticky" blurb. On first glance, she thought it said "scratch and sniff." She couldn't believe that anyone would want scratch and sniff poo.

It wasn't 30 minutes later when we found this on an endcap at Michaels:

I admit it; I scratched, and I sniffed. Do you want to smell my finger?

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