A birthday card for friend Brian, whose birthday was yesterday.

It's you who is the shit, Brian.

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If Friday's post let you feeling a little dirty, I also got you some soap!

Spotted on Twitter.com, where someone posted a response image of shit-shaped car air fresheners.

(Seriously, the frequent association between the poo emoji and chocolate just because both of them are brown probably says everything you need to know about the modern American consumer.)

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Happy Valentine's Day! I got you some candy.

Love, American style.

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Still looking for that last minute stocking stuffer? How about some poo!

This is a vinyl "statue" designed to give to children 3 and up to color in with the provided markers (blue, red, and, yes, brown).

Merry Christmas, kids!

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Finally! An appropriate thing to be made in the shape of a poo emoji!

Go ahead. Squeeze it.

"Best for photo ops" it says. I mean, yeah, I suppose if you are determined to take a photo of your dog eating poo, better this than the real thing.

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As if being pegged by a dodgeball wasn't bad enough...

Thanks for nothing, Aldi.

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It's poo! It's a unicorn! It's a Poonicorn!

What will they think of next? I hope I don't find out.

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New school year.

Same old shit.

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Maybe I'm just jealous that they didn't sell poop-shaped toys when I was three years old, but no. Just no.

I don't know what's wrong with kids in 2019. Back in my day, everyone came with their own poop slime formula.

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Dad update: he's now in his third hospital in as many weeks.

First he had heart surgery in Atlanta to replace a malfunctioning mitral valve. He came home for a couple of days before shortness of breath took him to the emergency room in Newnan. They diagnosed him with atrial fibrillation, a relatively common complication, and sent him to Fayetteville to have a pacemaker installed.

Doctors say he should be fine. I agree. He's already proven that for a guy with a bad heart, Dad can really get around.

Meanwhile, this side-effects poster was on the wall of his third room:

A closer look reveals a very familiar "face."

EVEN IN HOSPITALS.

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