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I swear, after super heroes, the internet is the best thing to EVER happen to mankind.

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I feel compassion for the buffoon  who doesn't enjoy American Gladiators.Bad news for the latest season of the new American Gladiators series: terrible ratings. While this could be due to a myriad of tangled reasons, something has to be done soon to salvage the show or NBC may pull it from the lineup. My solution? Mt. T.

Mr. T turns 56 today, and a trip to the American Gladiators set would do us all some good, I think. We'll prove to the world that T can still be physical in his old age. We'll reunite T with his one-time WrestleMania partner, Hulk Hogan, restoring both to the spotlight they deserve. And we'll reclaim Monday nights for MMA combatants and steroid users everywhere!

But why stop there? Once we've got T in our pocket, so-to-speak, we can tweak the show to take full advantage of T's talents. Combine montages of engineering, gymnastics, and detective work with extraneous explosions. Top it all off with empty threats and inspirational rapping. It's a formula that's historically proven, I tell you. "Not TV. Mr. TV."

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Why wasn't Mr. T ever asked to join the Justice League? He's stronger than Superman, wittier than Aquaman, dresses better than Hawkman, and has more wealth around his neck than Batman has secured in the batcave. And he really, really cared about saving the children.

Mr. T and the Superfriends

Not to mention the fact that T had experience in the field of super-heroics. He had his own cartoon and his own group of super gymnasts who fought crime. (Come to think of it, everyone on children's TV of the late 70s/early 80s seemed to have their own crime solving group. It sure seems like TV is telling me that I should be part of a crime solving posse. Or I should be committing crimes for a crime solving posse to solve?)

Clearly the Super Friends could have used the diversity. They let Black Vulcan in just because he had the word "black" in his name. (Apparently, space monkeys didn't qualify as an ethnic minority in the eyes of Uncle Sam's anti-discrimination laws.) Seems to me that Mister T was much more qualified than Black Vulcan.

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To be continued...


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