If there's one thing everyone agrees Superman is good at, it's selling cars.

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Every year, they change fortune cookies formats on me. In the past, I have gotten statement cookies and platitude cookies. This past week, I ate a cookie that I would have guessed contained a typo, except the next several cookies were just as bad. So this year, I introduce the non-sequitur cookie. Bon a petite!

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The fast food industry is under fire for marketing their delicious death-meat to children. Rather than actually ceasing the marketing of their gateway drug to kids, the industry has decided to discourage the purchase of kids' meals by making them boring.

Mom brought home a Happy Meal bag that had no games on it, just trivia about apples. Gee, not all apples are red? Well, no shit. McDonald's, even I'm not so old enough that I think apple trivia would be fun for kids.

Meanwhile, I just got this tray liner at Burger King in support of their new and unexciting "Crown Meal." Click on the dots below to connect them.

Disclaimer: It's not as much fun as you remember.

What I see is a really lame excuse for a connect-the-dots picture. I might as well be drawing a picture of the trash can.

Elsewhere on this same placemat is another fun game: "Give all of your family members nicknames!" Burger King's suggestion? "Hot Feet." If that Mad Lib doesn't keep you from enjoying your Whopper Jr., nothing will.

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I welcomed football season with a trip to Eastman, Georgia, to watch the football team of the school at which my brother teaches. They weren't very good, and I say that generously.

The Dodge County High School Indians lost to the Lucy C. Laney High School Wildcats, 26-13. I had a very enjoyable time, despite the behavior of the children in attendance who insisted on running up and down the metal bleachers in their flip flops. It was surprisingly loud for a high school football game. Fans attending a UGA game would have been proud of the support shown by the home team.

Quite by accident on the way out of town after the game, I discovered a memorial to Mr. Angel, the first recognized Bulldog mascot of the University of Georgia. The monument was dated 2008, and a bit of research after the fact revealed that it was built only after the dog was snubbed by an official UGA mascot list snubbed the poor fellow in 2006. It's a pretty cool monument for a dog with such a silly name.

The next day, the Bulldog's current mascot, Russ, wisely chose to hide in his doghouse and not to show his face in Georgia's latest loss. The University of South Carolina came to town and quite simply outplayed UGA on the way to a 45-42 victory. At least the Georgia coaches aren't directly to blame for the loss. Bobo's play-calling was generally far better than usual, and the team appeared ready to play, if unable to find an answer for the superior talent of USC's Marcus Lattimore.

Walking into the game, Trey and I had a conversation with a pair of South Carolina fans who claimed to be attending their first game in Athens. They were extremely concerned about potential maltreatment by the UGA fans, who they claim have an especially bad reputation in South Carolina and throughout the SEC. I've always felt that UGA fans are unusually gracious when compared to those found in some other stadiums. But later during the game, two drunk, obnoxious Georgia fans managed to offend nearly a dozen other UGA fans sitting nearby. If we can't stand our own fans, I can't imagine that we are engendering much love outside our home field.

As you can [no longer] see in the Flash file above showcasing nightfall in Athens, the field markings and stadium scoreboard have been redesigned for 2011. It's not an improvement, but it's better than the uniforms worn last week. If nothing else, the Georgia "G" needs to be returned to the goal line where it belongs. Georgia needs all the help they can get finding it.

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Prior to this post, I have used 628 distinct keywords here on wriphe.com. That seems like way too many, until I realize that I've been blogging for nearly 9 years. That's almost 70 unique keywords a year! I didn't know that I had that much to say. (I suspect that several of you reading this plan to tell me that you already knew that I talk too much. Well, fuck you.)

Of those keywords, 392 have been used exactly once. Those include some words that I'll eventually use again, like "bizarro," "owens," and "posts I could probably get sued for" and some words that I probably won't, like "fushigi," "pat boone," and "superman returns totally sucks."

I could just tell you what the top 10 keywords used by wriphe.com are, but isn't it more fun to guess? Just type your answers into the box below, and click submit to see if you're right. Capitalization doesn't count, but spelling does. I'll give you one hint: "poodles" didn't make the list.

1. (110) ________
2. (100) ________
3. (85) ________
4. (73) ________
5. (67) ________
6. (tied, 62) ________
6. (tied, 62) ________
6. (tied, 62) ________
9. (59) ________
10. (54) ________

Submit Show all

Now I'll just tag this blog entry with the unique keyword "keywords," just so that when I revisit this topic in 2020, you'll be sure to see something new.

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One year ago, I uploaded a fortune cookie. After my recent dining experience yielded a banal "you display the wonderful trait of charm and courtesy," I've decided to reformat it as a platitude cookie. Have fun. Or don't. I don't really care.

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At my mother's request, I built a relatively simple countdown timer in a web-embedded Flash application last week. Unable to leave well enough alone, I kept building and building until I arrived at a cookie-based app that I am making freely available to you, my adoring blog readers. Consider it my Christmas present to you.

The countdown is based on a cookie that you will set by running the page. The edit function re-writes the cookie. So what you set the counter for will be stored in your browser only. In addition to keeping your privacy, this means that you can use two different browsers to set two different counters simultaneously! And yes, there is a mute button, if the sound of the seconds of your life ticking away gets on your nerves.

You can find the app at www.wriphe.com/timer/. Bookmark it.

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While I'm on the subject of catalogs, do you notice anything odd about the cover to this catalog I received in the mail last week?

No? Maybe it's kind of hard at that resolution. Here, let me help; I've got an eye for this sort of thing. How about this?

Gee, whiz! What happened to that poor dog's toes? Look, I know that Uga VII is dead, so you can't get any new photographs of him. But there isn't exactly a shortage of images of him sitting on grass. Especially since this image is a photoshopped from a picture of... Uga VII sitting on grass.

These images are all the intellectual property of long-time Athens photographer Danny White. According to UGA, Mr. White has been the "official Uga portrait photographer since 1973." And so far as I can tell, he's taken some pretty darn good pictures of some damn good dogs. On first glance, you might think that this is one of them. Seems like someone disagrees with you, though.

Granted, there are a few unsightly wrinkles in Uga's custom Nike jersey. And his right eye is looking a little lazy. And he's got some grass hanging out of his mouth. But none of that explains why someone 'shopped in some li'l doggy toes!

Don't just take my word for it, see for yourself here against the original:

Mouse over/off this swf to control your own seizure.

If you really like this image -- the photoshopped one, not the original -- you can pick up your own copy as a handy refrigerator magnet available at www.ugaredzone.com. (For reasons unexplained, the magnet image is slightly different than either of the other two!) However, be warned: you'd better be prepared to explain to your observant guests why you have a picture of a dog with fake feet.

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Yesterday's UGA season opener versus the Louisiana Lafayette Ragin' Cajuns was more family reunion than football game.

Those poor Cajuns were outmatched from the time they signed the contract to play the game, and everyone, including the Cajuns, seemed to know it and planned accordingly. That UGA managed 55 points with a freshman quarterback and several stars deactivated for a litany of violations against team rules, accused NCAA infractions, and state laws wasn't nearly as surprising as the fact that the Cajuns scored 7 points. (They scored on their only completed deep pass one play following UGA's sole turnover of the game, an interception off a bobbled reception. It's always better to be lucky than good.)

For those of you who have wondered, mouse over to see my seats.

The smell of sunblock was more prevalent than the smell of beer as old friends caught up on gossip gained since last year's season finale versus Kentucky. The temperature was unseasonably mild and insidiously pleasant, distracting everyone from cooking in the direct early afternoon sunlight. Twin F-18's missed their cue, arriving about 30 seconds too early and washing out the "Sanford Stadium tradition" of the Redcoat Marching Band's rendition of the National Anthem, but nobody was disappointed. Even Russ, Uga's temporarily replacement seemed contentedly lethargic as he lazily (and not without much coaxing) fulfilled his mandatory photo-op duty for the University. It was really a pretty swell atmosphere for a football bloodbath.

Eagle-eyed readers may notice that the endzones are painted slightly differently than in past years. I pointed this fact out to my mother before kickoff. "Only you would notice something like that," she sighed. I also noticed that the roof of Russ's doghouse read "UGA Mascot" instead of "Uga" (as it did last year) and that the scoreboard promoted UGA players now in the NFL using a logo that the NFL replaced two years ago. I didn't bother pointing these things out. I'm sure mom appreciated my silence.

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UPDATE 01/12/09: You should see a fortune cookie above this text. If you don't see it, you don't have Flash plugged into your browser. If you do see it, you can click on that cookie repeatedly for fortunes. I really wish I didn't have to include this bit of explanation, but when your Mom tells you that she doesn't understand why you would post a picture of an unopened fortune cookie, it's time for drastic measures.

UPDATE 02/21/23: No, no. Flash is now long, long dead. So no fortune cookie for you.

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