One month ago I decided that I needed to buy a new laptop to replace my dinosaur desktop computer. This decision was forced by the fact that my latest anti-virus upgrade has dragged my CPU to a grudging work stoppage. Now whenever I run my anti-virus scanner, it takes one look at my machine, shrugs it's shoulders, and sighs something along the lines of "everybody's got to go sometime."

To be fair, I'm not sure that I have to be worried about any computer illness unless some scientist discovers a presumed-extinct virus trapped frozen deep in the ice at the Earth's poles. Anything newer would find my machine an uninviting, primordial environment where floppy disks are still the preferred boot failure recovery method.

Anyway, I tell my brother that I want a new laptop, and when his computer conks out not 3 days later, he buys himself one. My mother, jealous at my brother's new toy, immediately buys herself a new laptop during a serendipitous One Day Sale at Office Max. Meanwhile, Ol' Ironsides (that's not a nickname -- my computer case is so old, it actually has iron sides) keeps chugging along as I continue to save money and shop around for the perfect desktop in my budget. At my current rate of savings, the only way I'll end up with a new computer is if I find a way to attach a mouse to my old Speak And Spell.

Listen up, viruses. I've managed to stay away from you for years now; it's only fair that you return the favor until I can save up a few more bucks for a new platform. I promise that it won't be that much longer: two, maybe three more years at the most. Sigh.

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To be continued...

 

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